我要尽心尽力尽性爱主我的神

i promised my best friend that i'm gonna hang out with her this afternoon yesterday...'cause she's leavin' within 2 months...my heart hurts when i think about this...but i really don't want to go now...i'm totally overwhlemed now by my job thing...

 

this is weird...i've never been to a job fair...i've never really sent out my resume by myself...i've never really looked for a job yet...but why...why am i feeling all this depressed worried and hopeless emotion? is it because the devil is attacking me? i hope not... but if so, LORD, i cry out to you...i ask for you help to give me a peaceful and faithful heart to keep on abiding in you...i know YOU are love, those who abide in love abide in YOU and YOU abide in them. LORD, holy is your name...now i'm giving all my worries and burdens to you, i'm putting them under your feet, LORD...i know you will handle all of 'em...because you are my FATHER...i'm thinking about my earthly father now...he loves me so much...when i was a kid (i'm still a kid now, but oh well...) and i was riding on a bus where there are hunderds of people inside...i was about to get off...so did a lot of other people...but my fater, who was right behind me, lifted and pressed his arms against the windows in case i could be hurt or crushed by those passengers...as soon as i got off, i heard this huge 'bang', well, guess what...my father caused that scary sound...because he so wanted to protect me that he pushed way too hard, resulting from two broken windows...and now when this vivid memory flashed back...it's almost untrue to me...the great love he has for me makes me feel so secure and comfortable...and no matter what i did to him, he'll forgive me, because i'm his daughter, precious daughter, to him, i am a princess... then think about this...if my earthly father loves me this much, how much morre will my heavenly father (who actually created my earthly one) love me...way much more...it's a kind of love that i can never interpret and understand...but it's true...and i believe it...

 

yes...the job thing is really annoying...my grandpa's lying in the hospital, suffering from cerebal palsy, which means we have to pay at least 330 per day regardless of medicines doctors're using now... my dad doesn't have a job now... well, i'll say i have a job...and it's a great place...but i can't help my family by using the salary i get paid every month... i don't know... i'm kinda freaked out... but i guess i'll keep holding to HIM, the ONE who loves me more than anyone else ever does...who cares about me more than anyone ever does...who has great plans for me greater than anyone including myself can ever expect...i'm holding to you, LORD, please help me out... please let me know what you want me to do... if you want me to move on...tell me LORD...the ALMIGHTY one...tell me...i'm willing to submit...i'm willing to offer my life to you...LORD...things in the past things yet unseen wishes and dreams that are yet to come true, all of my hopes, all of my plans, my heart and my hands are lifted to you...LORD i offer my days to you, lifting my praise to you, as a pleasing sacrifice. LORD, i offer you my life... AMEN!!!

okay...i'm freaking out now...

last night, my 92-year-old grandpa just got his second stroke resulting from cerebral palsy, which means he's paralysed-he can't go to the bathroom without help anymore, he can't eat without help anymore, he can't do anything by himself anymore. plus he suffers a lot. it's so hard to see someone you love in pain, if you know what i mean.

okay, here's another thing...my tem8 test, a stupid one, but you know what, my saying it stupid only because i myself am stupid. i don't know, my mind is a chaos, myself is a mess. see, how funny is this: uncle jolie is a mess now! wow! let's celebrate!!!

i guess i have to say, i'm in despair now... i've got a bible study tonight but i don't want to go... first time not attracted by a bible study... weird... or maybe i'm just faithless now...but oh well... and here's another good news: i'm almost crying now...i did cry last night when my mom told me that my grandpa was about to die (oh, i just yelled at my poor dad 'cause i really don't want to talk now--sorry), but he's much better now...greatful...

can i just have someone kill me and then i could go to heaven(i hope) to have fun with god? i'm tired of this evil earth...and now my head is aching so much...wherever i go...i run into people telling me to get a good score on my test on sunday...okay, i really want to get a good score but i think i don't have the confidence to say no problem, it's all mine. instead, i think i don't have the confidence to say okay, i'll pass it anyway. what's wrong with me??? seriously??? this is not me, this is so unme!

okay, guess why i worry so much about this test? because it's an very important one, which means it might have something to do with my job... but what if i couldn't pass it, what if i fail, what if there's not anthoer chance for me to give it a shot again...so many what ifs, just drive me crazy...

hey, lord, can you just tell me that you love me, that you're faithful even when i'm faithless, that you'll help me with everything, that you'll make a way where there seems to be no way, that you'll always be there for me, that you still love me if i fail this test, that you do have great awesome plans for me, that you will use me and you are using me right now... can you just tell me those things? because i really need all of those...

okay, my test is on sunday(one day later), and according to what my dad said, my grandpa is much better than last night, so this is my glimmer of hope, and i'm holding on to it...

but will there be any miracle on sunday. without him, definitely i'll fail... i hope he'll be with me at that time... because i really didn't work hard on it neither do i deserve it...

okay...i gotta go now... lord i need your peace...

马上就要考专八了，昨天晚上觉得整个人都要崩溃了，第一次考试的时候有这么强烈的感觉，觉得压力真的超级大，很想哭很想哭。应该不会是这样的啊，我想是因为专八关系到太多的东西吧。其实这样很不属灵哦，呵呵。。。
后来为自己祷告了一下，神给了我一个经文，是我第一个能背诵的经文，腓利比书4：6，写到“应当一无挂虑，只要凡事藉着祷告、祈求和感谢，将你们所要的告诉神。神所赐出人意外的平安，必在基督耶稣里保守你们的心怀意念。”真的很感谢神，能让我现在有出人意外的平安。专八考试，过了固然很好，可是不过也不要紧，因为神自有他的计划在我身上实现，要信靠神，将自己的所有一切都交给神。。。我这样说，并不是说无所谓过不过专八，其实心里真的很希望能藉着神赐的智慧通过这次考试，但是现在心里已经有了大大的平安，感谢神，感谢他的美好应许。。。
anyways,i'll do my part, and God's gonna do His part. so, what's the point of being so worried about something that He already planned ahead????

i've been thinking a lot these days~~

 

it's kinda hard to write in chinese, wierd ha? but it's okay, i'm a wierdo:)

 

my Lord's always good to me~~

 

this afternoon, when i was worshiping Him, i had this strong desire of writing something for Him, for the one who loves me and who i love

 

yes, my sheperd knows my voice, and i know His voice.

 

He'll never let me down! but how many times have i let Him down? and i'm still doing it. Gosh! i cannot believe that! this feeling sucks!

 

He's my strenghth, my help in times of need, my shelter. He's everything. still remember one time i was in sang's club, we talked something about money and stuff. he told everyone that if he has God, he'll have everything. i couldn't agree with him more now~ Lord is the source of happiness in my life, and He's the truth of life. He already gave me the free gift--enternal life, which i cannot see now. but seeing is not believing, believing is seeing.

 

so glad Lord has chosen me, for a reason. and i know God's gonna use me, maybe not now. He has His own plans. No one konws. i'll just trust HIm. trust Him with all my strenghth. He promised His plans are good plans and won't harm me. why shouldn't i trust HIm???

 

my friend once asked me to imagine i had a boyfriend. and the feeling of being tired but he was with me and how comfortable it would be to lean in his arms~~ then he told me this was how he felt one day when he was driving a car to his uni~~ he felt he was leaning in the arms of the LOrd!!!! that is so true. The Lord's always holding us with His mighty arms, always~~ what we need to do is just to lie down and give all our problems all our burdens to Him!!!

 

so why don't you join us and experience the love of our Lord--JESUS?

i'm so crazy

kinda bored these days

nothing to do

nothing much

 

i wanna go back home

go back to my little but fancy place

where my FATHER has been preparing for me for like 2000 years

and i want to know the truth

i want to know everything about the truth

i want to meet my dear friends who i may not have the chance to meet within 100 years

this feeling sucks

but i can handle it

 

i don't know why i'm writing this stupid thing in english

i guess i'm stupid

i have no clue

 

what am i gonna do tom???

oh, i'm gonna host a "party"

and we are gonna have two parties this week

because it's christmas

wow~~~

i love christmas

i love JESUS

hey

this is my first time to be here

hopefully you guys'll enjoy it

love ya